These 3 techniques will help you to enhance your communication skills. They will teach you how to manage every kind of relationship. They are given in How to Win Friends and Influence People in its Part One.
1st Technique – Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain
As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation. – Hans Selye
All the principles mentioned in this book are positive in nature such as ‘do this’ or ‘do that’ but this first principle is the only principle that is negative in nature. If you pursue criticism it will nullify your positives. It has been a known fact that even most notorious criminals don’t blame themselves for anything so how can we expect normal people whom you and I meet to be okay with criticism.
If you want to enhance your communication skills, the first thing you need to do is to stop unnecessary criticism.
Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment. It hampers both personal and professional relationships. Criticism can never help with solutions. Instead of criticizing people for their actions, you should try to understand them and forgive them for their actions.
How George Made The Workers Do Something Against Their Will :-
George had a responsibility to make sure every worker wore a helmet during field work. He did what any normal person would do. He tried to criticize this behavior by using his authoritative power in order to force them to wear a helmet. As a result, workers wore helmet in front of him but whenever he left, they would remove the helmet.
Then he applied this principle and tried a different approach. The next time he saw someone not wearing a helmet, he would ask if the helmets were uncomfortable or did not fit properly. Then he would explain the purpose of making them wear a helmet which is to protect them from injury in a pleasant tone.
As a result, it was seen that now workers were happily wearing helmets during work with no resentment or emotional upset.
2nd Technique – Give Honest & Sincere Appreciation
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. – William James
According to Sigmund Freud, the only two things that motivate mankind are the sex urge and the desire to be great. This desire to be great is accompanied by a sense of importance. So whenever you appreciate someone, it triggers their feeling of a sense of importance in a positive manner. People crave hearty appreciation almost as much they crave food.
This is the key to communicate your ideas effectively. In order to enhance your communication skills, you need to start giving honest appreciation.
Some readers are saying right now as they read these lines: “Oh, phooey! Flattery! Bear oil! I’ve tried that stuff. It doesn’t work – not with intelligent people.”
Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else.The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple.
One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish.
One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.
Example of application of this principle in real life :-
Pamela Dunham had among her responsibilities on her job the supervision of a janitor who was doing a very poor job. The other employees would jeer at him and litter the hallways to show him what a bad job he was doing. It was so bad, productive time was being lost in the shop.
Without success, Pam tried various ways to motivate this person.
She noticed that occasionally he did a particularly good piece of work. She made a point to praise him for it in front of the other people. Each day the job he did all around got better, and pretty soon he started doing all his work efficiently. Now he does an excellent job and other people give him appreciation and recognition.
Honest appreciation got results where criticism and ridicule failed.
3rd Technique – Arouse In The Other Person An Want
First arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world behind him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.
People are undeniably more similar than different. What’s more, everybody is practically similar to you and me: we are altogether keen on what we need. This is obvious to the point that we regularly don’t see it. The fish doesn’t realize that it’s wet. All that you’ve done was done on the grounds that you needed something.
The best way to induce somebody to do things according to what they need and demonstrate to them an approach to get it. There is no other way. As straightforward as that sounds it is something we ignore constantly. Excite a need in a person and they will move mountains. Neglect to do this and they won’t move an inch.
As Carnegie said, “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
Discussing our issues is a total time waste. When we speak with individuals, how about we perceive how rapidly we can get the opportunity to see things from their perspective. The world is brimming with individuals who are self-seeking and greedy. So the rare person who unselfishly serves the need of other people has an advantage over others. Let’s get straight to the point this isn’t about manipulation. Every individual needs to gain something from every relationship.
How Parents Fixed Bed Wetting Problem Of Their Child Using This Principle:-
Some parents tackled this problem: the little boy had the unholy habit of wetting his bed. He slept with his grandmother. In the morning, his grandmother would wake up and feel the sheet and say: “Look, Johnny, what you did again last night.”
He would say: “No, I didn’t do it. You did it.”
Scolding, spanking, shaming him, reiterating that the parents didn’t want him to do it – none of these things kept the bed dry. So the parents asked: “How can we make this boy want to stop wetting his bed?”
What were his wants? First, he wanted to wear pajamas like Daddy instead of wearing a nightgown like Grandmother. Grandmother was getting fed up with his nocturnal iniquities. So she gladly offered to buy him a pair of pajamas if he would reform. Second, he wanted a bed of his own. Grandma didn’t object.
His mother took him to a department store in Brooklyn, winked at the salesgirl, and said: “Here is a little gentleman who would like to do some shopping.”
The salesgirl made him feel important by saying: “Young man, what can I show you?”
He stood a couple of inches taller and said: “I want to buy a bed for myself.”
When he was shown the one his mother wanted him to buy, she winked at the salesgirl and the boy was persuaded to buy it.
The bed was delivered the next day; and that night, when Father came home, the little boy ran to the door shouting: “Daddy! Daddy!
Come upstairs and see my bed that I bought!”
The father, looking at the bed, obeyed Charles Schwab’s injunction: he was “hearty in his approbation and lavish in his praise.”
“You are not going to wet this bed, are you?” the father said. ” Oh, no, no! I am not going to wet this bed.” The boy kept his promise, for his pride was involved. That was his bed. He and he alone had bought it. And he was wearing pajamas now like a little man. He wanted to act like a man. And he did.
Read About More Principles From This Book :-