These 6 techniques are given in How to Win Friends and Influence People in Part Two will help anyone become popular overnight.
1. Become Genuinely Interested In Other People
People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves – Dale Carnegie
Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn’t have to work for a living? A hen has to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing.
But a dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love. If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself then you need to become genuinely interested in other people.
The personal pronoun “I” was used 3,900 times in 500 telephone conversations according to a study. Now you can imagine its importance. Its easier to make friends if you are interested in them.
In a nutshell: Focus on being interested not interesting. There is a big difference. Interesting is about you, interested is about them.
What Was The Secret Behind Theodore Roosevelt’s Popularity –
This was one of the secrets of Theodore Roosevelt’s astonishing popularity. Even his servants loved him. His valet,James E. Amos, wrote a book about him entitled Theodore Roosevelt, Hero to His Valet.
In that book Amos relates this to this illuminating incident “My wife one time asked the President about a bobwhite. She had never seen one and he described it to her fully. Sometime later, the telephone at our cottage rang. [Amos and his wife lived in a little cottage on the Roosevelt estate at Oyster Bay.]
My wife answered it and it was Mr. Roosevelt himself. He had called her, he said, to tell her that there was a bobwhite outside her window and that if she would look out she might see it.
Little things like that were so characteristic of him. Whenever he went by our cottage, even though we were out of sight, we would hear him call out, ‘Oo-oo-oo, Annie?’ or ‘Oo-o0-oo, James!’ It was just a friendly greeting as he went by.”
How could employees keep from liking a man like that? How could anyone keep from liking him? Roosevelt called at the White House one day when the President and Mrs. Taft were away. President’s honest liking for humble people was shown by the fact that he greeted all the old White House servants by name, even the scullery maids.
How Did A Salesman Use This Technique To Retain An Account –
The same concern for the seemingly unimportant people helped sales representative Edward M. Sykes, Jr., of Chatham,Jersey, retain an account. “Many years ago,” he reported,”I called on customers for Johnson and Johnson in the Massachusetts area.
One account was a drug store in Hingham. Whenever I went into this store I would always talk to the soda clerk and sales clerk for a few minutes before talking to the owner to obtain his order.
One day salesman went up to the owner of the store and he was not interested in buying J&J products anymore because he felt they were concentrating their activities on food and discount stores to the detriment of the small drugstore. I left with my tail between my legs and drove around the town for several hours.
He Tried Again
Finally, I decided to go back and try at least to explain our position to the owner of the store.When I returned I walked in and as usual said hello to the soda clerk and sales clerk. When I walked up to the owner, he smiled at me and welcomed me back.
He then gave me double the usual order. I looked at him with surprise and asked him what had happened since my visit only a few hours earlier. The owner pointed to the young man at the soda fountain and said that he told him that I was one of the few salesmen that even bothered to say hello to him and to the others in the store.
He told the owner that if any salesperson deserved his business, it was I. The owner agreed and remained a loyal customer. Being genuinely interested in other people is the most important quality for a salesman to possess-for any person, for that matter.
I have discovered from personal experience that one can
win the attention and time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them.
Smile at strangers and you just might change a life.– Steve Maraboli
Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.” That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them. A baby’s smile has the same effect. It costs nothing but creates much.
An insincere grin? No. That doesn’t fool anybody. We know it is mechanical and we resent it. I am talking about real smile, a heartwarming smile, a smile that comes from within, the kind of smile that will bring a good price in the marketplace.
Professor James V. McConnell, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, expressed his feelings about a smile. “People who smile,” he said, “tend to manage to teach and sell more effectively and to raise happier children. There’s far more information in a smile than a frown. That’s why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment.”
You don’t feel like smiling?
Then what? Two things. First force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.
Psychologist and philosopher William James said “Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together, and by regulating the action, which is under the direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the more feeling, which is not.
Two people maybe in the same place, doing the same thing; both may have about an equal amount of money and prestige, yet one maybe miserable and the other happy. “There is nothing either good or bad,” said Shakespeare, “but thinking that makes it so.”
The employment manager of a large New York department store told me she would rather hire a sales clerk who hadn’t finished grade school, if he or she has a pleasant smile, than to hire a doctor of philosophy with a somber face.
The effect of a smile is powerful, even when it is unseen. Telephone companies in the United States have a program called phone power. In this program, they suggest that you smile when talking on the phone. Your smile comes through in your voice.
How Does A Smile Help You Stand Out –
Robert Cryer, manager of a computer department for a Cincinnati, Ohio, company, told how Robert had successfully found the right applicant for a hard-to-fill position to recruit a Ph.D. in computer science for his department.
Robert finally located a young man with ideal qualifications who was about to be graduated from Purdue University. After several phone conversations, I learned that he had several offers from other companies, many of the larger and better knowns than mine. He wondered why he accepted his offer.
After he started on the job, I asked him why he had chosen us over the others. He paused for a moment and then he said, ‘I think it was because managers in the other companies spoke on the phone in a cold, business-like manner, which made me feel like just another business transaction.
Your voice sounded as if you were glad to hear me and you really wanted me to be part of your organization. You can be assured, I am still answering my phone with a smile.
How Smiling Changed Personal And Professional Life Of a Grumpy Stockbroker –
William B. Steinhardt, a New York stockbroker married for over eighteen years, wrote Mr. Steinhardt, “and in all that time I seldom smiled at my wife or spoke two dozen words to her from the time I got
until I was ready to leave for business. I was one of the worst grouches who ever walked down Broadway.
“When you asked me to make a talk about my experience
with smiles, I thought I would try it for a week. So the next morning, I told myself, ‘Bill, you are going to wipe the scowl off that sour puss of yours today. You are going to smile. And you are going to begin right now.’ As I sat down to breakfast, I greeted my wife with a ‘Good morning, my dear’ and smiled as I said it.
You warned me that she might be surprised. Well, you underestimated her reaction. She was bewildered. She was shocked. I told her that in the future she could expect this as a regular occurrence, and I kept it up every morning. This changed attitude of mine brought more happiness
into our home in the two months since I started that there was during the last year.
As I leave for my office, I greet the elevator operator in the apartment house with a Good morning’ and a smile, I greet the doorman with a smile. I smile at the cashier in the subway booth when I ask for change.
As I stand on the floor of the Stock Exchange, I smile at people who until recently never saw me smile. Everybody was smiling back at him. He tried to treat those who come to him with complaints or grievances in a cheerful manner. When you listen to people, solutions are accomplished much easier. Smiles are bringing him dollars, many dollars every day.
I have also eliminated criticism from my system, have started giving appreciation and praise now instead of condemnation. Stopped talking about what I want. I am now trying to see the other person’s viewpoint. And these things have literally revolutionized my life. I am a totally different man, a happier man, a richer man, richer in friendships and happiness-the only things that matter much after all.”
3. Always Remember The Other Person’s Name
A person’s name to that person is the most important and sweetest sound in any language. – Dale Carnegie
We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing and nobody else. The name sets the individual apart ; it makes him or her unique among all others.
People don’t give enough importance to the name of the other person they are dealing with. Most people do not remember names, for the simple reason that they don’t take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat.
How Did Jim Farley Become Successful Despite Having No Formal Education –
A boy, Jim, was ten, and he went to work in a brickyard, wheeling sand and pouring it into the molds and turning the brick on edge to be dried by the sun. This boy Jim never had a chance to get much education.
But with his natural geniality, he had a flair for making people like him, so he went into politics, and as the years went by, he developed an uncanny ability for remembering people’s names.He never saw the inside of a high school; but before he was forty-six years of age, four colleges had honored him with degrees and he had become chairman of the Democratic National Committee and Postmaster General of the United States.
The author once interviewed Jim Farley and asked him the secret of
his success. He said,” Hard work,” and I said, “Don’t be funny.” He then asked what the author thought was the reason of his success. I replied, “I understand you can call ten thousand people by their first names.”
“No. You are wrong, ” he said. “I can call fifty thousand
people by their first names.”
Make no mistake about it. That ability helped Mr. Farley put Franklin D. Roosevelt in the White House when he managed Roosevelt’s campaign in 1932. During the years that Jim Farley traveled as a salesman for a gypsum concern, and during the years that he held office as town clerk in Stony Point, he built up a system for remembering names.
In the beginning, it was a very simple one. Whenever he met a new acquaintance, he found out his or her complete name and some facts about his or her family, business and political opinions.
He fixed all these facts well in mind as part of the picture, and the next time he met that person, even if it was a year later, he was able to shake hands, inquire after the family, and ask about the hollyhocks in the backyard.
No wonder he developed a following!For months before Roosevelt’s campaign for President began, Jim Farley wrote hundreds of letters a day to people all over the western and northwestern states.
Then he hopped onto a train and in nineteen days covered twenty states and twelve thousand miles, traveling by buggy, train, automobile and boat. He would drop into town, meet his people at lunch or breakfast, tea or dinner, and give them a “heart-to-heart talk. Then he’d dash off again on another leg of his journey.
Remember the Name
As soon as he arrived back East, he wrote to one person in each town he had visited, asking for a list of all the guests to whom he had talked. The final list contained thousands and thousands of names; yet each person on that list was paid the subtle flattery of getting a personal letter from James Farley. These letters began “Dear Bill” or “Dear Jane, and they were always signed “Jim.”
Jim Farley discovered early in life that the average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage.
What Was The Reason For Steel King’s success?
Andrew Carnegie became the Steel King; yet he himself knew little about the manufacture of steel. He had hundreds of people working for him who knew far more about steel than he did.
But he knew how to handle people, and that is what made him rich. Early in life, he showed a flair for organisation, a genius for leadership. By the time he was ten, he too had discovered the astounding importance people place on their own name. And he used that discovery to win cooperation.
To illustrate: When he was a boy back in Scotland, he got hold of a rabbit, a mother rabbit. Presto! He soon had a whole nest of little rabbits-and nothing to feed them. But he had a brilliant idea.
He told the boys and girls in the neighborhood that if they would go out and pull enough clover and dandelions to feed the rabbits, he would name the bunnies in their honor. The plan worked like magic, and Carnegie never forgot it.
Years later, he made millions by using the same psychology in business. For example, he wanted to sell steel rails to the Pennsylvania Railroad. J. Edgar Thomson was the president of the Pennsylvania Railroad then. So Andrew Carnegie built a huge steel mill in Pittsburgh and called it the “Edgar
Thomson Steel Works.”
4. Be A Good Listener. Encourage Others To Talk About Themselves
A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa.
This is the easiest way to become a good conversationalist. If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested in themselves and their accomplishments. Remember that people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems .
What is the secret, the mystery, of a successful business interview? Well according to former Harvard President Charles W. Eliot, “There is no mystery about successful business intercourse…. Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.
How Did A Manager Retain A Lost Customer Using This Principle –
A department store in Chicago almost lost a regular customer who spent several thousand dollars each year in that store because a sales clerk wouldn’t listen. Mrs. Henrietta Douglas had purchased a coat at a special sale.
After she had brought it home she noticed that there was a tear in the lining, She came back the next day and asked the sales clerk to exchange it. The clerk refused to listen to her complaint. “You bought this at a special sale, she said. She pointed to a sign on the wall. “Read that,” she exclaimed. “All sales are final. Once you bought it, you have to keep it. Sew up the lining yourself.”
“But this was damaged merchandise,” Mrs complained. “Makes no difference,” the clerk interrupted. “Final’s final.” Mrs. Douglas was about to walk out indignantly, swearing never to return to that store ever, when she was greeted by the department manager, who knew her from her many years of patronage. Mrs, Douglas told her what had happened.
The manager listened attentively to the whole story examined the coat and then said, “Special sales are ‘final’ so we can dispose of merchandise at the end of the season. But this ‘no return’ policy does not apply to damaged goods.
We will certainly repair or replace the lining, or if you prefer give you your money back. What a difference in treatment! If that manager had not come along and listened to the Customer, a long-term patron of that+store could have been lost forever.
How Did New York Telephone Company Deal With A Nightmare Using This Principle –
The New York Telephone Company discovered a few years ago that it had to deal with one of the most vicious customers who ever cursed a customer service representative. And did he curse.
He raved and threatened to tear the phone out by its roots. Also refused to pay certain charges that he declared were false and wrote letters to the newspapers. He filed innumerable complaints with the Public Service Commission, and started several suits against the telephone company.
At last, one of the company’s most skillful troubleshooters sent to interview this stormy petrel. This troubleshooter” listened and let the cantankerous customer enjoy himself pouring out his tirade. The telephone representative listened and said ‘yes’ and sympathized with this grievance.
He raved on and I listened for nearly three hours,” the troubleshooter’ said as he related his experiences before one of the author’s classes. “Then I went back and listened some more. I interviewed him four times, and before the fourth visit was over I had become a charter member of an
organization he was starting.
He called it the Telephone Subscribers’ Protective Association.’ I am still a member of this organization, and, so far as I know, I’m the only member
in the world today besides him. I listened and sympathized with him on every point that he made during these interviews. He had never had a telephone representative talk with him that way before, and he became
I didn’t mention the point till our fourth meeting, I closed the case completely, he paid all his bills in full, and for the first time in the history of his difficulties with the telephone company he voluntarily withdrew his complaints from the Public Service Commission.”
Doubtless Mr had considered himself a holy crusader, defending the public rights against callous exploitation. But in
reality, what he had really wanted was a feeling of importance
He got this feeling of importance at first by kicking and complaining. But as soon as he got his feeling of importance from a representative of the company, his imagined grievances vanished into thin air.
5. Talk In Terms Of The Other Person’s Interests
You had my curiosity now you have my attention- Leonardo Dicaprio
In order to capture someone’s attention, it is important to talk about things which interests them. Theodore Roosevelt used this principle in order to interest people. Everyone who has ever been his guest was astonished at the range and diversity of his knowledge.
Whether his visitor was a cowboy or a Rough Rider, a New York Politician or a diplomat, Roosevelt knew what to say. And how was it done? The answer was simple. Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading upon the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.
How Did Henry Sell Bread To A Hotel After Being Rejected For More Than 4 Years –
Henry G. Duvernoy of Duvemoy and Sons, a wholesale baking firm in New York. Mr. Duvernoy had been trying to sell bread to a certain New York hotel. He had called on the manager every week for four years and went to the same social affairs the manager attended. He even took rooms in the hotel and lived there in order to get the business. But he failed.
“Then,” said Mr. Duvernoy, “after studying human relations, I resolved to change my tactics. I decided to find out what interested this man-what caught his enthusiasm.
“I discovered he belonged to a society of hotel executives called the Hotel Greeters of America. He not only belonged but his bubbling enthusiasm had made him president of the organization, and president of the International Greeters. No matter where its conventions were held, he would be there.
“So when I saw him the next day, I began talking about the Greeters. What a response I got. What a response! He talked to me for half an hour about the Greeters, his tones vibrant with enthusiasm. I could plainly see that this society was not only his hobby; it was the passion of his life. Before I left his office, he had sold’ me a membership in his organization
“In the meantime, I had said nothing about bread. But a few days later, the steward of his hotel phoned me over with samples and prices. I don’t know what you did to the old boy’ the steward greeted me, ‘but he sure is sold on you!
6. Make The Other Person Feel Important — And Do It Sincerely
The deepest principal in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. – William James
If you want to make people instantly like you, then this is a crucial principle for you. Always make the other person feel important. If you want to make the other person feel important, the simplest thing to do is ask yourself, “What is there about him/her I can honestly admire?”
How Did Claude Marais Retain An Important Employee Who Wanted To Resign –
Claude Marais, a restaurant owner in Rouen, France used this principle and his restaurant the loss of a key employee. This women had been his employee for more than 5 years and there was a vital link between Marais and his staff of 21 people. He was shocked to receive a letter of resignation from her.
Marais reported that she was very surprised and even more, disappointed because she was under the impression that she had been fair to her and receptive to her needs. Inasmuch as she was a friend as well as an employee, She probably had taken her too much for granted and maybe was even more demanding of her than of other employees.
“I could not, of course, accept this resignation without some explanation. I took her aside and said, ‘Paulette, you must understand that I cannot accept your resignation. You mean a great deal to me and to this company, and you are as important to the success of this restaurant as I am.’ I repeated
this in front of the entire staff, and I invited her to my home and reiterated my confidence in her with my family present.
“Paulette withdrew her resignation, and today I can rely on her as never before. I frequently reinforce this by expressing my appreciation for what she does and showing her how important she is to me and to the restaurant.”
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